Chatter in the Skull - Part I. Ch. 1
Chatter in the Skull
Or—Thoughts at 5 a.m.: The Ramblings of an Anxious Mind
Part I – Ch. 1:
A Windy Full Moon
April 2021 – Raleigh, NC
There is a bird singing. It’s throwing me off. I heard him last night too. He must be confused under the bright full moon. They say people are more likely to have sleepless nights under the full moon.
How is my mind full of so many thoughts at 5 a.m.? It's wide awake while my eyes droop. Racing around to all the things I need to do and all the fears of what will happen if I don’t.
Maybe I'm in denial about moving.
I haven't packed. I haven't been working either. I've just been—lazy.
Since Sunday, I've been high. Maybe that's the problem. I probably need to stop completely. I try to tell myself, no, but the urge to smoke is a strong habit.
It didn't use to be a problem, and maybe it's just an excuse, but the truth is, these days, it only makes me anxious or it makes me sleepy. And I can't seem to work under either condition. So, I do need to ease off. Take a little break from the pot. Maybe enjoy some vivid dreams for a while. Do some soul searching.
—Then again, I'm always soul searching. Introspection is a constant theme for me.
Honestly, I'm scared. This new chapter in my life is intimidating. I’ve been getting too comfortable, I guess. The universe knows me. I needed to constantly move. I don't do well when I'm sitting still for too long. The Aries moon in me burns with spontaneous, new energy, always curious for an adventure.
There are a lot of things I need to do. I have time, though.
Tomorrow, work. Just work. Get it all done.
Friday, run errands for my car.
Friday and Saturday, go to my parent's house to move things out of that bedroom.
Sunday and Monday, pack my bedroom.
Monday, move my bed.
Monday and Tuesday, move down to Charleston.
That sounds like a good plan. I can do that.
Work tomorrow. That's all I'm going to worry about tomorrow.
The plan is set, so I can calm down now.
Oh! Wait!
I need to contact my co-workers about all those collaborative articles. Still have to interview that person. Write those 3 projects. Plus do all that other shit.
Damn, it's windy outside. And my brain still won't shut up.